


too much

by fxbricxtedrexlity



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band), Real Person Fiction
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Slow Burn, and this happened, but yeah, camren friends with benefits au, explicit content, i need somewhere to vent off the angst, if you saw how fluffy running wild is, like really, not in that order, this is the complete opposite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-05-20 14:41:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14896466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxbricxtedrexlity/pseuds/fxbricxtedrexlity
Summary: Camila always thought of falling in love as complicated.Until it was so, so easy.And it was because of Lauren Jauregui.::camren friends with benefits au





	1. love is a condition of the head

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: this is MY work. all the references for the chapter titles and songs i used are the from the artists themselves and i'm not taking any credit other than my own story.
> 
> this is not beta'd and this is just basically vv angsty.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> // love is a condition of the head //  
> // there is no prescription to forget //  
> // so you're all over my brain //  
> // you're the blue fix that makes me run //  
> // i'll do anything to get me some //  
> // stop me before it's too late //
> 
> downtown - allie x

The air is chilly outside, a few people spilled on at the backyard with a bonfire, all huddled up close to stave off the breeze. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore soothes her, dispelling the effect of the lingering smoke and stifling air inside the house.

 

Camila hugs her bomber jacket tighter, pulling her hair out of its tie. She sits at the steps, the liquid in her cup sloshing and spilling over her hand a little.

 

Someone from the circle by the bonfire hollers at her, Troye, but she laughs and waves him away as he raises a smoking gesture in the air.

 

She’s really not up for anything.

 

She hasn’t been up for anything recently, actually.

 

Maybe it’s the lack of pizza recently? Camila takes note to have on delivered by the time she musters the will to go back inside the house and tell her best friend that she’s running off.

 

The back door opens, making Camila flinch with the sudden onslaught of music, before the door slams shut again and it’s back to it’s semi-peaceful, quiet lull from before.

 

Troye hollers again, wolf-whistling and swaying his hips in a way that makes a bunch of guys in the circle stare at him for a second too long. The woman that walked out of the house laughs loudly at Troye, swaying her hips in a way that makes _Camila_ stare at her before she looks away.

 

The woman’s giggling, plopping down beside Camila on the other end of the stairs.

 

“Hi,” the woman breathes out, green eyes focused on Camila’s, the tip of her tongue in between her lips that’s stretched in a grin. “, not enjoying the party?”

 

Camila smiles, holding up her cup. “Can’t really say that when I’ve been hogging the best from the top shelves. And before you ask, just make sure you won’t get caught when you take some.” She decides to wink at the woman beside her, straightening her back out a bit when a light blush covers the woman’s neck.

 

They stare for a while, hearing the bonfire group singing along to the guy with a guitar with a heavy Irish accent, and the whooping sounds from the nearest window where the beer pong table is at.

 

“Lauren,” the woman says, extending her hand to Camila in a way that’s all shy, alert, and innocently seductive.

 

“Camila.”

 

Her hands are bigger, Camila notes, but her own wins by length, most probably from countless sleepless nights on burning the midnight fuel with writing songs.

 

Lauren startles, her phone vibrating inside her pocket. Camila tries not to look disappointed—the writer in her sees it playing at the forefront of her mind: they meet, things go well, a phone breaks a moment, a lover demanding where the other is—yeah, her imagination works like that.

 

“Trouble in paradise?” Camila asks, eyes following as Lauren tucks her phone back into her pocket. Green eyes wrinkle slightly, looking amused and fond.

 

“I wish I had something to show for it, but it was just a notification from a game I play, reminding me to collect the daily reward and all that,” she answers, tongue showing between her lips teasingly as she sticks her tongue out at Camila.

 

 _Huh_ , Camila muses, _no lover, then_.

 

Lauren’s fiddling with the couple of rings on her fingers, taking a sip before turning to Camila. “Who’re you with?”

 

“Dinah Jane,” and when there’s no recognition for the name shining in Lauren’s brilliant eyes, Camila elaborates. “Tall, blonde, thick, probably strip teasing her girlfriend Normani in a chair somewhere inside.”

 

“Mani doesn’t have a girlfriend,” Lauren says, brows meeting in an adorable scrunch in the middle, but ends up sounding more like a question. “She’s my best friend. I think I’d know if there’s a strip teasing girlfriend in the picture.”

 

Camila’s tongue feels heavy on her tongue. Dinah is so gonna kill her. “I, uh,” she tries to backpedal, hand flailing as she tries to outdo the damage. When words fail her, she just sighs heavily, smiling at the woman beside her. “Please don’t tell Normani, but my best friend’s got a bit of a crush on her. It’s painfully obvious for everyone so we try to tease her as much as we can.”

 

Lauren blinks at her, looks at the sheepish way Camila wipes her hands on her jeans, shoulders slightly hunched with embarrassment. It’s a complete 180 from the woman that made her feel flustered earlier. _She’s adorable_.

 

“I’ll keep it to myself, don’t worry,” she reassures. And before her sudden courage pass, Lauren kinks up an eyebrow, smiling in the way Normani taught her that makes her look like _everyone’s Latina wet dream wrapped in green eyes_. “I’ll keep it a secret if you agree to get out of here.”

 

Camila thinks she’s never agreed so fast in her life.

 

::

 

They end up at the beach.

 

Camila feels the ice cream drip down her fingers, sticky and uncomfortable, but she can barely feel it. Not with Lauren pressed up against her side, head nestled against her chest, snoring lightly.

 

After heading inside the house to say goodbye to their respective best friends, they share a smug grin when they saw Dinah and Normani utterly smashed, both passed out on an armchair. The party is of Camila and Dinah’s circle of friends so she doesn’t think twice to take up on Louis’ offer to put the two in the guest room for the night, high-tailing it out of the house with a giggling Lauren behind her.

 

They exchange stories and laughs, wind blowing their hair from the open windows of Camila’s jeep.

 

(“You own a jeep?”

 

“Oh god, are you one of those that’s all _jeeps are made for the wild, not the road_ or some shit?”

 

Lauren smiles, patting the seats appreciatively. “Nope, but jeeps are a huge turn on for me.” She flirts, catching the way red creeps up Camila’s neck as she starts the car.

 

“I’ll keep that in mind.”)

 

And when Lauren sees the neon sign of an open ice cream parlor, she almost yanked the steering wheel out of Camila’s hand in an attempt to pull over faster.

 

“It’s five minutes to closing,” an irate teenager says, eyeing them both disdainfully but Lauren just smiles charmingly and apologetic at the same time.

 

“You can keep the change,” she says, pulling out a 20 and ordering the soft serve without even asking Camila for what’s hers. “Close your eyes.” Lauren says, still holding both of their ice creams as the door closes with the teen flipping the sign to _close_.

 

Camila did as she was told, feeling the other woman put a cone on her hands. “Now what?”

 

“Try it.”

 

Camila opens her eyes, feeling the flavor burst inside her mouth. “Banana,” she says in awe. “How’d you know?”

 

Lauren looks sheepish, taking a lick of her own ice cream before answering. “You’ve got a banana keychain on your car keys and a mini one dangling from the rear mirror, it’s not a genius guess.”

 

Camila looks at Lauren. She sees the way the reflection of the neon signs play at the structure of Lauren’s face—dipping by her cheekbones and casting shadows that reminds her of the mountains in California—sees Lauren’s green eyes shimmering, so vibrant and full of _in the moment_.

 

 _It’s beautiful—she’s beautiful_ , Camila thinks. And she wonders where did Lauren come from.

 

They walk silently, reaching a beach without meaning to. Camila doesn’t know how long did they drive, how long she stared at Lauren, or how long they walked.

 

But when Lauren burrows her face deeper into Camila, making the other woman wrap her arms around her sleeping body, Camila thinks that the night’s not enough.

 

::

 

Dinah’s drying her hair with a towel, fuzzy socks slip and sliding on the wood floor of the apartment she shares with Camila. She abruptly stops in the open door of her best friend, wolf whistling.

 

“Damn, Chanch, who’re you getting all dolled up for?”

 

“No one,” Camila answers distractedly, finishing up on doing her make up. “Lauren and I are just gonna go out to a new fancy art museum, a friend of hers gave her tickets so we’re going.”

 

 _Huh_ , Dinah thinks, _when did this happen?_ “We’re talking about Lauren as in Normani’s best friend Lauren, right?”

 

Camila turns around, laughs at her best friend as she passes by in an air of confidence and perfume. “ _Yes_ , Cheech. _That_ Lauren,” she quips, staring at the coat closet by the door where their shoes are haphazardly thrown around. “I’ll be back before midnight.”

 

The door closes behind her and Dinah’s left to wonder.

 

**_Beyoncé 7:54PM_ **

_ayo mami_

_i meant mani_

_;)_

 

**_Normami 7:54PM_ **

_yeah babe?_

 

**_Beyoncé 7:55PM_ **

_d’yah know our besties r going out?_

 

**_Normami 7:55PM_ **

_ohhh_

_so THAT’S where laur is headed_

_i asked her but she’s too distracted finding an outfit_

 

**_Beyoncé 7:57PM_ **

_aww that’s cute_

_they’re going to a fancy schmancy museum_

_that’s what chanch told me anyway_

_since when did camren happen?_

 

**_Normami 7:58PM_ **

_camren?_

 

**_Beyoncé 7:58PM_ **

_CAMila + lauREN_

_camren_

_nyway, any tea?_

 

**_Normami 7:59PM_ **

_oh god that’s creative_

_and no, none_

_im as surprised as u are_

 

Dinah smacks her lips, thinking for a moment before she sends another text.

 

**_Beyoncé 8:01PM_ **

_knowing chanch, she’ll spill when something happens_

_imma keep u updated_

 

**_Normami 8:02PM_ **

_try not to meddle too much_

_if laur’s not telling me anything, then it must be either serious or nothing_

 

**_Beyoncé 8:02PM_ **

_i shall try my best_

_we still on for our date tomorrow?_

 

**_Normami 8:03PM_ **

_of course beautiful_

_cant wait for our first date ;)_

 

Dinah giggles happily, fetching a few leftovers from the fridge to heat up, the whole Camren thing pushed to the back of her mind for the time being.

 

::

 

Camila wipes her hands on her jeans, wishing she wore something lighter because Lauren wearing _that_ —a low cut tank top showing her sides and _really_ lacy bra—is heating her body up in unimaginable ways.

 

“Hey,” Lauren greets, hopping inside Camila’s jeep, kissing the other girl’s cheek. “, what’s got you all spaced out?”

 

“A _hem_.” Dinah coughs from the back seat, looking at her best friend pointedly from the back seat. “Mila saw a hot girl pass by, she’s been out of it for a few minutes now,” Dinah teases, feeling giddy when she sees Lauren’s smile drop slightly.

 

“Oh,” is all Lauren says, reaching to pull the seatbelt on.

 

Camila frowns at her best friend, whatever Dinah’s trying to pull, she’s not liking it. She puts the car on drive, reaching out a hand to rest on Lauren’s knees, feeling the material under her fingertips and smiling when cold hands lace with hers. “Hope your ready to get shit-faced before finals.”

 

There’s the smile that Camila’s come to associate that’s Lauren’s _I’m really happy right now_ smile that stretches across the other woman’s face, squeezing Camila’s hand once. “Fuck yes.”

 

::

 

“Hey, Camz, I think I just used all of your shampoo,” Lauren says, walking inside Camila’s room, wearing nothing but a towel and droplets of water on her body. “, oops.” She adds, smirking when she sees the brunette rack her eyes up and down her body from where she’s sitting on the floor.

 

“I, uh, I’ll just buy some more tomo—tomorrow,” she clears her throat, cursing the way her voice cracks on the last word.

 

“Can I borrow some clothes?” Lauren asks, already halfway inside Camila’s closet, smiling when she hears the a strained _yeah, sure_. She looks back over her shoulder, sees Camila staring on the ground, the tips of her ears red. “Aren’t you going to take your bath?”

 

They were at a café a couple blocks away from Camila and Dinah’s apartment, studying for their finals, when the rain poured so hard with no signs of stopping.

 

(“Come on, we’re running home.”

 

“What? Are you serious right now?”

 

“Yeah, why not? And it’s a drizzle now, unlike earlier.”

 

“You and I _clearly_ have different definitions of a drizzle.”

 

“So? Let’s fucking _go_.”)

 

Camila stands up from where she’s sitting on a towel to keep a puddle from forming, shivering when the AC hits her skin as it sways. “Uh, I’ll just,” she throws a thumb over her shoulder, resolutely not looking at anywhere near the green eyed girl. She’s got morals, and ogling her friend while they’re currently stripping down of their damp towel— _oh god_ , Camila thinks, bolting out of her room so fast she nearly tripped over her own feet.

 

When they’re cozied up on Camila’s bed together, Lauren smelling like everything Camila but still _Lauren_ at the same time, Camila finally asks.

 

“‘Camz’?”

 

Lauren picks her head up from where it’s rested on Camila’s shoulder, looking up at brown eyes staring down at her. “What was that, babe?”

 

“You called me Camz,” Camila answers fixing a stray piece of hair and clearing it away from Lauren’s face.

 

“Oh,” Lauren hadn’t realize that it slipped out. It was honestly a nickname she was calling Camila inside her head for weeks now, always feeling herself shy away when she thought of using it. “Everyone calls you Mila, so I call you Camz. It’s my nickname for you,” she finishes shyly, going back to resting her cheek against Camila’s chest, playing with the sleeves of the other woman’s shirt.

 

Camila melts, hands coming up to cup the back of Lauren’s head as she plants a kiss on her forehead. “You’re so fucking precious, baby,” she coos, scratching the Lauren’s hair that makes green eyes close as Lauren hums appreciatively, feeling her face flush at the attention. “Lo.”

 

“Hmm?” she mumbles, feeling content with Camila playing with her hair like that.

 

Camila laughs softly, not stopping her hand. “That’s my nickname for you. You’re my Lolo,” she explains, feeling the other girl sigh into her shirt. “Night, Lo.”

 

“‘mm night, Camz.”

 

::

 

**_Lo 1:24AM_ **

_Please save me_

 

**_Camz 1:26AM_ **

_tell me ur not at the lib_

 

**_Lo 1:26AM_ **

_I am NOT in the library_

 

**_Camz 1:27AM_ **

_lo_

_did u even eat?_

 

**_Lo 1:28AM_ **

_How can I think of eating_

_If I fail this test, I won’t be eating in the near future_

 

**_Camz 1:28AM_ **

_thats a little too much pressure on a test omg_

_but nvmd_

_pick up ur cute booty_

_were gonna eat_

_finals be damned_

_ur not gonna answer anything if ur hungry and tired_

 

**_Lo 1:34AM_ **

_**We are/we’re_

_Okay, I’m waiting by the stairs_

_By the way, why are you awake?_

 

**_Camz 1:34AM_ **

_grammar nazi_

_ive been studying for my own finals_

_dinah’s over at ur apartment, i think_

_said she’s studying with normani_

_is that the code word for sex now?_

 

**_Lo 1:35AM_ ** _  
Fuck yeah, I am_

_I think it is, actually_

_Does this mean I’m sexiled?_

_Can I sleep at yours?_

 

**_Camz 1:35AM_ **

_most probably_

_sure baby_

_wait brb gonna drive_

 

**_Lo 1:35AM_ **

_Okay, take care Camz_

 

**_Camz 1:36AM_ **

_always princess ;))_

 

::

 

“That’s _so_ not fair,” Lauren pouts grumbling something about getting more food as she gets up, stomping her feet all the way to the kitchen. She is downright _adorable_.

 

“Call it what you want but no one can cheat on Cards Against Humanity, Lauser,” Dinah cackles from all the way to the other couch, tipsily singing her own rendition of _We Are The Champions_.

 

“‘Lauser’?” Lauren asks, hips cocked to the side as she glares at Dinah. “That’s the best you can come up with?”

 

“Oh hoe, it ain’t,” the blonde replies, smirking tauntingly at Lauren. “ _Ralph_.”

 

Normani laughs, pulling her crazy girlfriend tighter against her side. “Nice one, babe.” Dinah preens, ego practically filling up the room and suffocating everyone. Lauren fake gags from where she’s standing at the kitchen.

 

“First of all, what the fuck’s with _Ralph_? Second, Mani, you bitch, how dare you?” Lauren saunters back with fresh popcorn in her hands to the living room where everyone is sprawled out on top of various surfaces. She stops to sit on the floor in between Camila’s legs, leaning back when the other woman starts combing her fingers through her hair.

 

“Children, shush,” Ally chides from where she’s been asleep for the past half hour. The girl’s tolerance lower than most of them.

 

Dinah wasn’t listening to Lauren—nothing new to that—and she’s too busy muttering _Ralph Lauren, I’m a fucking genius_ over and over again against Normani’s neck, pressing a few kisses in between as she veers into the territory of tipsy to utterly smashed.

 

Lauren scoffs, pouting up at Camila. “Can you believe them? They’re teaming up on me, Camz.” She downright whines, breaking character as Camila laughs loudly, head thrown back against the head rest of the couch.

 

She hears the hushed whispers of Normani and Dinah from the other side of the room, speaking to each others skin, before their fuzzy socks clad feet pads over the floor, the door closing behind Normani’s room.

 

When Camila doesn’t move from her position, hands not moving against Lauren’s hair, she drops the popcorn bowl to the floor, crawling up to sit on the brunette’s lap. Camila looks up at her, brown eyes shining and lips stretched in a ridiculously sexy smirk that has Lauren entranced.

 

“Hi there,” raspy and a little rough from the alcohol she’s consumed, Camila greets the woman perched on her lap, hands playing at the hem of Lauren’s shirt, hands roaming underneath the fabric to reach skin.

 

Lauren shivers, inching closer to the other woman, her own hands resting against Camila’s shoulders before eventually lacing her fingers together at the nape of Camila’s neck. “Hi,” she breathes out, suddenly shy with the soft look Camila’s sending her way.

 

There’s something in this moment, underlying and building, itching at the back of Lauren’s head as she tries to pin whatever it is.

 

This moment reminds her of the cracking of vinyl, of the first time the record’s been out of its sleeve, eager and ready to pop out music. The way Camila’s looking at her right now is like the other girl’s waiting for a song to come alive, waiting for Lauren to conduct—to lead something, _anything_.

 

Lauren kisses her.

 

But she’s also pretty sure that it’s Camila who kisses her first.

 

Or maybe they met halfway.

 

Or maybe gravity played them both and pushed them together.

 

But it doesn’t matter. Because they’re kissing each other.

 

Camila feels Lauren sink into her, sighing as their kiss winds down.

 

It wasn’t hurried—the kiss was two lips touching, tentative, before slotting against each other in a way that reminds Camila of how she wants to know _who_ Lauren is in the primal way. Wants to know what her body likes, how she responds, how she’ll light up—Camila wants to know.

 

Lauren sighs against her lips, forehead resting against Camila’s as the other woman surges up to plant a series of pecks in different part of Lauren’s face, all near her lips.

 

They get up, hands clasped tightly together, passing by a passed out Ally, laughing softly, shoulders touching and hips bumping.

 

Dropping against Lauren’s bed together, Lauren turns, plopping herself right on top of Camila, smiling up at the younger woman as she feels fingers rake her hair back, pushing some behind her ears, hands resting on her cheeks and cupping.

 

It’s something Lauren realized earlier in their budding friendship, Camila always— _always_ —handles Lauren carefully. Like with one touch, Lauren can evaporate.

 

She feels it in the way Camila holds her hands, thumbs brushing back and forth softly, a constant reminder to Lauren that they’re _here_ , in this moment, together and alive.

 

She feels it in the way Camila breathes out a sigh, tugging her up so that Lauren can rest her head against the crook of her neck and shoulders, not a single space in between them. Where the other one ends where the one begins.

 

Lauren feels it now, with how Camila gently picks her head up again, kissing her softly, before looking in Lauren’s eyes. They’re so close together, it’s hard not to get cross-eyed, but then Camila smiles, wrapping her arms around Lauren’s torso, expression utterly soft and fond.

 

“Fuck,” Camila breathes out, nose pressed up against the crown of Lauren’s hair.

 

“Why?” her voice is hoarse, raspy and shaky, like the gravity that pulled them together earlier is suddenly pushing them together harder than before, knocking the air out of her lungs as Camila continues to stare at her.

 

“Your eyes,” Camila says, softly, palm brushing against Lauren’s back, dragging against the fabric. “You look at me and I want to make a song.”

 

Lauren perked up at this. She knew Camila’s a music major, but the younger woman never showed her any of her works. The only reason Lauren knew Camila’s even into music is because her bedroom is basically a mini recording studio. Condensed microphones, cables, a keyboard and guitar propped up against the wall, and she has a patch of the music department stitched on her bag.

 

“Write it now,” she says, wanting to see Camila work, fingers flying against keys and knobs—one where she’s bursting with life and ideas. “I want to hear it,” Lauren yawns, cracking against the last word and Camila laughs.

 

“Tomorrow,” she says, dragging up a blanket over them both. “, but for now, sleep.”

 

After an hour, with Lauren rolled to the other side of the bed, Camila’s hunched down in front of her computer, the opening chords and synths falling into place as she hums a melody under her breath.

 

“ _Who are you in the dark, show me the scary part. Who are you when it’s 3AM and you’re all alone,_ ” Camila stops when she sees light pouring in from the windows, kissing Lauren’s forehead, and sleeping with unfinished melodies swimming inside her head.

 

Lauren forgets about the song when she wakes up.

 

They don’t talk about the kiss.

::

should i make this g!p or nah?


	2. don't let me stop you from thinking you are free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> // introduce me to friends, make excuses for me //  
> // i will tug on your coat when i'm ready to leave //  
> // please don't let me stop you from thinking you are free //  
> // just don't fall for me //  
> // do not fall for me //
> 
> strawbear - keaton henson
> 
> ::
> 
> after your 50/50 votes, this is NOT a g!p story. i'm planning on another to make up for those who wants it tho, don't worry xx

They kiss. Like a _lot_.

 

In all of the past relationships Lauren’s had, she doesn’t think she enjoys kissing them in the early stages of their relationship and hasn’t kissed anyone this frequent so early on.

 

But maybe that’s it? Because she and Camila aren’t in a relationship and because she’s knows the other woman so maybe that’s what makes it different.

 

Right now, Lauren’s in Camila’s room, waiting for the other woman to come home from _something_ , as Camila vaguely informed her. They graduated college a few days ago and this is the first time Lauren will see the brunette again after days of chauffeuring her family around L.A.

 

“Hey, Walz, can I borrow your—oh,” Dinah stops, seeing Lauren sprawled out on her back on her best friend’s bed, hair dangling from the bottom, the tips brushing against the floor. “, waiting for your better half?” She teases, earning an eye roll from Lauren.

 

“What do you need, Dinah?” she asks, turning to her stomach to regard the other woman with a raised eyebrow.

 

Dinah invites herself inside, strutting inside in a way only Dinah Jane Hansen can pull off, plucking the charger from Camila’s bedside. “Just wanna borrow this, I forgot where I put mine and I need to charge before Mani picks me up in a few minutes.”

 

“You do realize that you’re not gonna charge that thing for more than, like, five percent, right?” Lauren huffs, throwing her hair over one shoulder.

 

“Still five percent more,” Dinah sing songs, after her, stretching the last note and flawlessly combining it with a Destiny’s Child song that’s so utterly _Dinah_.

 

Lauren doesn’t realize that she dozed off until she feels pecks on the side of her neck, soft and fluttering.

 

“Finally,” she feels more than hears Camila murmur against her skin, biting softly in a way that makes Lauren hum.

 

The first couple of weeks into their… _thing_ , Lauren’s always been the instigator to their little secret, always looking for a way to drive Camila insane with soft pecks before the younger woman moans a _you’re killing me, princess_ against her lips and just _kisses_ her in a way that’s both bruising and gentle.

 

So to say that she’s pleased to Camila just _taking_ what she wants is an understatement. Lauren fucking _loves_ it.

 

She savors the way Camila always breathes in first, as if attempting to pull herself together, but then opens her eyes and sees Lauren _willing_ and so, so _ready_ for her, that she just curses under her breath, fingers tangling against Lauren’s black-dyed hair and _tugs_.

 

(The hair pulling is Lauren’s thing. Camila picked up on it the second time Lauren laced their fingers together, tugging Camila’s hands to the back of her head and moaning sinfully when Camila’s fists holds on to the hair tight.)

 

“You’re late.” Lauren says, stretching underneath Camila, arms thrown over her head as she moans at the good stretch, noticing the way Camila’s eyes rake over her body. “So,” Lauren starts, lacing her fingers at the nape of Camila’s neck as the other woman starts to pepper kisses around her face. “, where’ve you been?”

 

“Mm, I’m getting to it,” Camila says, kissing Lauren’s neck harder, pressing her lips firmer against the soft skin. “, but kisses first.”

 

Camila leans in, capturing Lauren’s bottom lip and biting it softly—Camila’s pretty big into biting, Lauren noticed—before kissing her deeply. Lips slotted together and tongue curling against Lauren’s, lowering her hands, clutching against the fabric of Camila’s shirt, bunching it up against her fists.

 

“Fuck,” Lauren breathes out, their lips making an obscene pop as Camila chases her lips, sucking. “So where’ve you been?” She asks, voice broken and hoarse, tangling her fingers against Camila’s hair and tugs away prying lips from her neck. It’s far too distracting.

 

“Was at a job interview,” Camila hums, pressing her nose against Lauren’s temple, kissing her hairline. “, got accepted.”

 

Lauren gets up so fast, knocking Camila to the other side of the bed, the younger woman whining and tugging at Lauren’s shirt with a _no, babe, come back_.

 

“We have to celebrate!” Lauren shouts, kicking lightly at Camila’s sides when she groans and pulling a pillow over her head.

 

Lauren pouts, looking over her friend’s form for a moment—hair splayed out on the bed, dressed up nicely in a button-up shirt and slacks—before she decides to sit down, straddling Camila’s hips, hands on the other woman’s bicep and she _grinds_.

 

Camila tosses the pillow away from her face so face, throwing Lauren off balance from where she was holding onto Camila’s arms for support, hands flying to Lauren’s hips as she tries to stop the woman from her slow grind.

 

“Lo,” she warns, voice low and eyes hooded, raking up her eyes from where Lauren presses against her sensually, to where the other woman settles her grip on Camila’s thighs instead, mouth agape slightly and looking right at Camila.

 

“Yes, Camzi?” Lauren asks back tauntingly, her voice much more breathless than she anticipated, moving her hips once, a moan leaving her lips as she feels Camila thrust up against her. “Fuck, keep doing that,” she says, leaning forward and looking for a better place to plant her hands. It ends up on Camila’s flat stomach, abdominal muscles flexing with every slow grind of Lauren’s hips.

 

There’s a split second where Lauren’s vision goes white, feeling Camila thrust up against her in a way that makes her clutch at the flesh she’s holding tightly, a loud moan echoing around Camila’s room, and then she’s on her back, staring up at a flush looking Camila.

 

Dark brown eyes swim in Lauren’s vision, Camila’s breath fanning her face as she leans in close.

 

“I thought you wanted to celebrate, baby?” She whispers, words hot against Lauren’s ear as she pulls a lobe by her teeth, nipping once and then pulling back. “Come on, now,” Camila says, getting up from the bed and pulling off her shirt. “I’m taking you out to the best damn dinner so chop chop, princess, don’t want to be late.”

 

When Lauren shucks a pillow at Camila, she blames her poor aim to her current state of fluster.

 

::

 

Camila and Dinah’s friends throwing another party, in which Lauren and Normani tags along to via extended invitation.

 

(“Dress up, babe, we’re going to a party.”

 

“What? I need to take a shower again.”

 

“We can swim on the beach, it’s fine, now get dressed.”)

 

They end up taking Camila’s jeep, Lauren riding shotgun and biting her lip at the way Camila rolls the windows down, her hair whipping around, elbow peeking out of a window, and the sunset flying by in the background that makes her look so soft. Lauren wants to reach over, cup her jaw, and kiss her hard.

 

She stops herself from doing so when she hears Normani and Dinah giggle at each other from the backseat, clenching her fists tightly. But Camila turns to her for a moment, eyebrow raised, and a smirk pasted on her lips, silently telling her _I know where your mind’s been_.

 

But when Camila takes her hand, whisking her away from the party to make out with sand rubbing against her bare arms, she thinks the teasing was worth it.

 

They went back to the party a few hours later, their clothes soaking wet from how they ran along the shore before Camila pushed Lauren into the water, laughing with her head back and tilted to the stars, a star being born with every sound that spills from her lips as she looks at Lauren, her eyes softening.

 

“Lo,” Camila breathes into her ear, the arm looped around her waist pulling her tighter against the younger woman as she gestures to the group of people watching them amusedly from the usual bonfire place. “, these are my friends.” And then different people swarms Lauren, Camila’s arm loosening on her waist as she throws a _I’ll get us drinks, be right back_ over her shoulder.

 

She knows Troye, tipping her head to the blond boy who chose to sit back near the fire, smiling at Lauren from the brim of his cup. And then there’s Niall, Perry, Louis, Harry, Alessia, Hailee, Matt, Tyler, and Josh—all giving Lauren a warm smile and physical contact, laughing when Lauren tries to pull away with her wet clothes.

 

Harry pulled her in, hugging her fiercely, before the brown curls bounced. “Let’s bloody swim!” He shouts, already halfway out of the thin, floral shirt he’s got on, and scrambling towards the beach, a few people that’s littered around the party joining in to the impromptu night beach swimming.

 

She swears there’s a few skinny dipping a few paces to the right, though.

 

Lauren slips away when she notices Camila leaning on a post, eyes trained on hers. She smiled at the others before she makes her presence scarce, feeling her whole body heat up with the way she sees Camila drag her eyes from her wet clothes that’s undoubtedly sticking to her body in different ways.

 

“Hi,” she says, biting her cheek and taking the cup from Camila’s hand. The other woman doesn’t answer her, just keeps on staring at her, lips relaxing from her smirk and leaving a small smile on her face. “Camz?”

 

Camila opens her mouth, continuing on staring at Lauren as she tugs a piece of stray hair back, cupping Lauren’s cheek with a warm palm Lauren subconsciously presses closer against. “Want to get out of here?” Her voice is warm, wrapping around Lauren lungs and stealing her breath, the effect multiplied when the soft look on Camila’s face never leaves, making her look happy.

 

Lauren doesn’t trust her voice, so she nods.

 

They end up on the beach again, just like the first night they met, ice cream dripping down their chins as they kiss languidly, Lauren pressed against the hood of Camila’s car.

 

Despite how warm Camila’s fingers and body makes her feel, Lauren begins to feel small tendrils of ice cold panic creeping its way from the pit of her stomach with every soft sigh coming from the other woman, in between every kiss. Even more so when Camila pulls back, resting her forehead against Lauren and breathing out a _god, you’re beautiful, princess_.

 

There it is, the panic gripping at her insistently.

 

If she notices Lauren’s persistence of going home, saying a flimsy excuse of: “I need to change out of these clothes before I catch a cold. You need to, too. You’re starting your work on Monday.”

 

And when she brushed off Camila’s comment of: “I can think of other ways we can warm up together.”

 

Camila doesn’t show her surprise. Just kisses Lauren’s forehead once, holding her hand over Lauren’s thighs on the drive back, and leaving a glass of water on her nightstand before she left her and Normani’s apartment.

 

**_Camz 1:09AM_ **

_hey baby_

_jgh_

_stay warm pls_

_call me if you need anything, okay?_

_sweet dreams princess xx_

 

::

 

They still kiss, Lauren pushing back the chill at the tips of her fingers in favor of digging her nails at Camila’s shoulder, moans muffled by Camila’s lips.

 

Lauren just can’t seem to stop.

 

Camila looks at her a certain way, lifts her lips in a smirk suggesting she just thought of something dirty, touches her in places she never thought would turn her on, and then she’s suddenly on the other girl, gasping and clutching at anything as Camila kisses her hard and dirty—fast and rough, leaving them both panting and Lauren a little more confused at the softness that never leaves Camila’s eyes recently.

 

And today, they’re at the mall, Ally insisting that she needs company of other people that doesn’t spew out medically-related jokes _for fun_ because she could only take so _much_ before she starts craving the company of more normal people.

 

Normani jokes that it’s because she can feel smart just because of the sole reason that Ally pursued med school.

 

No one questions when Camila and Lauren both stay back at every store, sneaking in kisses whenever they can and Camila touching Lauren—fleeting but always sending Lauren reeling—or why Lauren looks like she has a permanent blush painted on her cheeks and Camila’s hair getting even more tousled by the moment.

 

No one questions them, but Lauren starts to.

 

::

 

There’s a welcoming party at her office a month after Camila got hired and _of course_ she asks Lauren to be her plus one.

 

(“Bitch, excuse me?”

 

“You’re meeting Normani’s parent’s that evening, Cheech, ain’t my fault.”

 

“Yeah, how’s taming your personality down going for you, DJ?”

 

“Mila, you better hold back your girl because I will _scratch_.”)

 

So that’s what leads them to Camila’s bedroom, Lauren fixing her hair with the mirror in Camila’s en suite bathroom—Dinah lost to a best out of three rock-paper-scissors when she and Camila decided to move in—her bare feet getting suddenly pelted with stray water droplets as Camila opens the shower curtain, water dripping from every inch of her body, unabashedly standing as she towels off her hair.

 

Lauren doesn’t know how long she was staring, hair blower vibrating against her palm, hot air blasting against her chest when she almost dropped blower, Camila chuckling lowly, shaking her head once and taking two steps forward before she’s in Lauren’s space.

 

Green eyes wander, taking in the dark tuft of hair neatly trimmed on top of Camila’s pubic bone, the soft but firm plane of her abs, perky tits with slightly dark nipples, puckered up and taunting Lauren, daring her to take one in her mouth, Camila’s prominent collarbones—she only gets that far when Camila lifts her chin with a lone finger, humming softly at the disobedience of Lauren’s eyes.

 

“Eyes on mine, baby,” Camila husks, takes hold of Lauren’s chin when the other woman takes a few seconds to obey. Lauren’s pupils are blown, dilated and aroused, her green irises almost swallowed and Camila takes such pride that she can render Lauren like this. “There’s my girl,” she says, thumb caressing a cheek, before she leans in close.

 

Lauren’s eyes are closed when she feels Camila’s hot breath fanning across her face, instinctively leaning back with her lower back pressed against the cold sink, making her vaguely aware of how hot her body feels, flushed and warm for Camila to own.

 

“Camz,” she breathes out, feeling a nose nudge along the column of her throat, exposing more skin as she tilts her head back in offer. “, please kiss me.”

 

Biting her lip, Camila pulls back. “Open your eyes, Lo,” she says lowly, eyes twinkling. “Did you just beg, princess?”

 

Lauren feels her knees buckle, threatening to give underneath her. She stares back Camila, eyes half-lidded, willing her hands to move because Camila’s skin is _right there_ , open and in front of her for Lauren to mark, but she feels Camila’s thumbs against the waistband of her lace panties, skimming against the skin before dipping lower and caressing near Lauren’s inner thighs.

 

She feels more than hear Camila’s _I asked you a question, princess, answer me_ voice laced with the soft command but also with an underlying threat.

 

“I did,” Lauren chokes out on the next pass of Camila’s thumbs on her skin, dangerously close to where she’s throbbing and undoubtedly _dripping_.

 

Camila smiles, loving the way Lauren already sounds so done and she’s _barely_ touched her.

 

She indulges the hungry way green eyes stares up at her through thick lashes, kissing Lauren once, twice with her tongue pressing in insistently, swallowing the moan that drips from Lauren’s mouth before taking two steps backward.

 

Lauren sways forward, trying to chase the feel of Camila’s lips. She opens her eyes in confusion to see Camila smirking at her, body still in full display, already halfway out the bathroom door.

 

“Hurry up, Lo. Wouldn’t want to be late, now do we?”

 

::

 

It’s the morning after the party, both of them deliriously happy by the time Camila’s officemates calls it a night sometime around four in the morning, leaving a mess of clothes in Lauren’s room as they pass out on the bed, makeup half off and some article of clothing still dangling from a leg.

 

Lauren stretches up, grimacing in the way her breath smells like the worst hangover morning breath she’s ever had, when she notices the faint hum of the television in the living room.

 

Sprawled across the couch is Camila, the Disney channel playing softly in the background, and Lauren’s only human so she doesn’t bother to fight it when she lays down next to Camila, burying her face against the other woman’s chest and passes out again.

 

They wake up past noon, both warm and soft, Camila’s smile even more so.

 

She kisses the top of Lauren’s head, murmuring something about cooking against a hairline, when she get up, wearing nothing but a tank top and her underwear.

 

Lauren watches her from the living room, chin propped up against the back of the couch as she tries to follow every snap of Camila’s hips against the beat of the radio playing.

 

It comes out soft and hushed, surrounded by the afternoon light streaming in from the windows, but Lauren’s voice carries.

 

“I’m happy with this,” Lauren says, watching as Camila turns to look at her with an eyebrow raised. “, us, I mean. Just this. No complications or messy things that comes with a relationship.”

 

Camila’s eyes are serious by the time she finishes, turning her back to Lauren to lower the heat on the stove, before she leans on the counter, looking at Lauren, the softness in her smile pulled down in a line.

 

“Is that what you want?” Camila asks, voice firm and steady, and Lauren heaves out a breath. If there’s one thing she knew about being Camila’s friend, it’s that the other woman is always certain.

 

Lauren blinks once, remembering the way Camila spreads warmth against her skin and lighting her ribcage, making her heart dance and jump to the embers licking from the inside. She remembers the ice cold panic gripping the tips of her fingers and her lungs—the panic of not knowing where Camila stands in all of this.

 

“Yes,” she admits.

 

And then Camila’s smiling again, soft around the edges and warm. She nods once, motioning to the table. “Help me set up?”

 

Their legs tangles under the table, ankle rubbing against a shin, and laughs exchanged.

 

Yeah. Lauren wouldn’t want to change this.

 

And the funny thing is, she hadn’t asked Camila if she wanted it, too.


	3. two falling sparks, one willing fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> // you lined me up //  
> // across the room //  
> // two falling sparks, one willing fool //  
> // and i, i always knew //  
> // that i would love you from afar //  
> // it shouldn't come as a surprise //  
> // what i’m feeling, what i’m feeling now //  
> // it shouldn’t come as a surprise //  
> // she's got darling (dazzling) eyes //
> 
> from afar - vance joy

::

 

It’s not what Camila wants.

 

She knows she’s been in love with Lauren since she felt the weight of the other woman pressed up against her side, breath tickling the side of her neck as Lauren snored lightly, sand prickling and itching her legs and arms, body strained and stiff from holding the both of them sitting upright in the sand the night they met.

 

That’s the starting point. There are other times where Camila feels herself falling deeper—when Lauren hugs her first thing in the morning when she sleeps over, Lauren kissing her cheek as she leaves for work, Lauren bringing her lunch when she’s hasn’t got her paycheck yet.

 

And then there’s Lauren’s smile, crinkling her eyes and her bunny teeth peaking out from underneath her lips. Her laugh—head thrown back and wide, bubbling over her lips like badly shaken champagne. And her eyes— _god_ , don’t get started on her eyes.

 

They’re so open and responsive, exposing Lauren in a way that may seem guarded but when Camila looks harder, she’ll see the feelings swimming in Lauren’s eyes.

 

So when she doesn’t object when Lauren says she’s happy with the way things are, it’s because she sees the way Lauren sags against the couch, relief flooding her bones, making her pliant enough for gravity to wear her down—hears the sigh that comes deep from herself and eyes smiling softly up at her.

 

She hears the hesitance and the worry evaporate from that one sigh—feels the way Lauren is utterly _relieved_.

 

It’s sad.

 

But she’s in love with Lauren and maybe hurting is part of that.

 

::

 

She’s stuck in another song. Camila has a vibe down, a song humming at the back of her head, begging to be made. Camila hears Dinah running up and down the halls, preparing for another date with Normani, when she feels her headphones yanked from the top of her head.

 

“What the—“

 

“Have you seen my VS lingerie?” Dinah asks, towel flapping behind her as she rummages through Camila’s room.

 

“Wait, what—“

 

“Have,” the blonde interrupts, eyes-crazed looking and panicked at the same time. “, you seen my VS lingerie?”

 

“Lacy, pushes up your tits real nice?” Lauren’s voice drifts from somewhere deep in the apartment, making Dinah race outside to Camila’s door screaming a _yeah, that one_ that’s probably heard by everyone three floors both up and down. “In the dryer, I was just about to put them in your room!”

 

“Thanks, Lauser!” Dinah then looks at Camila, smirking. “Girl even does our laundry, you should keep her around,” Dinah winks, already causing another hurricane inside their apartment as she races to get ready.

 

Camila shakes her head, stretching in her chair before closing the file she’s been working on, padding barefoot towards the living room where Lauren’s got a laptop in front of her and a few papers scattered around.

 

“Hey,” she greets, squeezing herself on the space between Lauren and the couch, hands kneading on the other woman’s shoulders. “, didn’t know you came over.”

 

“Yeah, well,” Lauren says, tossing another pile of paper on top of her laptop, sinking back towards Camila. “You’re so into your work. I didn’t want to disturb you.”

 

Something struck Camila, humming under her breath for a bit, Lauren humming along to the melody she’s got going on. “Can you write _into you_ down on paper? I need to get back on that later.”

 

“Oh, another song? You know you’ve never let me hear—“

 

“Hey, Camren, I’ll be eating, I mean meeting Mani downstairs.” Dinah laughs at herself, pulling on heels and reeking of sexual energy. “You better behave yourselves, yah hear?” And then she’s out the door, heels resounding down the hall as she struts.

 

Lauren laughs, turning around from in between Camila’s legs, straddling the other woman. “Whenever I think I’ve got Dinah’s personality down, she always throws me off and surprises me.” Her fingers laced behind Camila’s nape, scratching lightly at the soft hair scattered there.

 

“Yeah, well, that’s Dinah for you,” Camila breathes out, hands grasping Lauren’s hips lightly, thumbs resting against the hollow of her hip bones. “I’d rather not talk about my best friend now, though.”

 

::

 

“Off,” Camila says, voice rough, pushing Lauren away from where she was perched on Camila’s lap, the movie playing in the background long forgotten. Lauren is out of her shirt the same time Camila turns the TV volume down, enjoying the pale skin silhouetted by the movie’s lights.

 

Camila busies herself with taking off Lauren’s bra, pulling the other woman closer to her lap, her face in eye level with Lauren’s pale breasts—

 

“Laur?” Normani’s voice rings out through the apartment as the door opens, keys jiggling and dropping against the ceramic hand for Normani and Lauren’s keys by the front door. “Are you home?” The unmistakable tap of Normani’s heels resounds through the hallway, Lauren leaping out of Camila’s lap so fast and snatching her shirt before pulling it over her head. Camila has her back stuck to the couch, trying to calm her beating heart at how _close_ they are to both getting caught and having sex.

 

“I’m—“ Lauren catches her words, eyes straying to Camila’s as she tries to fix her hair. “—we’re at the living room.”

 

Normani’s heads pop in just as Camila reassures Lauren that _yes, baby, you’re hair’s all good_. “Oh, hey Mila, didn’t know you came over,” it ends in a question.

 

“Oh, yeah. Things got stressful at the studio with the new production and all so I got out early.” Camila fidgets with her feet, choking on air as she notices Lauren’s discarded bra under the coffee table. “So we’re chilling with, uhm,” she squints at the screen, completely forgetting what movie they watched in the first place. “, _Easy A_ , yeah.”

 

Normani stares at them both for a beat, before shaking her head infinitesimally. “Alright, I’ll go change then we can decide on dinner. You’re staying, right, Mila?”

 

And when Normani makes an off-handed comment about _don’t leave your bras lying around the apartment Lo, it’s embarrassing for guests_ , she doesn’t bother to hide her smirk when the two Latinas choke on their noodles.

 

::

 

They had sex in the dark.

 

With sheets smelling a less like Camila and more of _them_. It has been in the past few months.

 

It makes Camila think back to a demo she made a month back during her lunch break called _In The Dark_. That song is the innocence of wanting to know someone deeper when they’re bone-tired, raw from the day’s exhaustion, when there’s no one to impress. When a person’s run down to their purest form and _honest_.

 

This is the opposite compared to that.

 

Camila rolls on top of Lauren, panting directly against another mouth and another pair of hungry lips, swollen and bruised from being bitten too much. A hand travels down soft skin, forgoing taking of any clothes, as she touches Lauren inside her sleep shorts.

 

This feels a lot like too many pushed aside feelings in favor of not having to talk about what matters and what’s obvious.

 

“Inside,” Lauren gasps out, head pressing further into the pillows as her back arches from the not enough pressure of Camila’s finger teasing around her clit.

 

This feels a whole lot like lying instead.

 

“You know how it is, baby,” Camila says, willing her eyes to adjust, _wanting_ to see how debauched Lauren looks at the moment. She stops moving, Lauren’s whine of frustration ringing in her ears in sick satisfaction. “Come on, Lo.” She says, dipping her finger down where Lauren’s hot, wet, and _dripping_. “ _Beg_.”

 

Lauren goes still, hands fumbling for purchase on Camila’s shoulders, back arching and pressing up against the firmness of Camila’s body on top of hers. “ _Please,_ ” she begs directly against Camila’s lips. The wind gets knocked out of Lauren’s lungs, screaming silently the moment Camila _thrusts_ one finger inside her, immediately wanting another one. “More, please, I need more, I need—”

 

The words—the _desperation_ in Lauren’s voice is a strong enough visual for Camila to put another finger against Lauren’s fluttering entrance, Camila moaning at the obscene sound of Lauren sucking her fingers inside, green eyes hiding behind tightly closed eyelids, whining as hands wanders and looks for something to hold on to.

 

“That good?” There’s a faint sound of the bed creaking, moving in time with how they move, and Camila has to kiss Lauren when she doesn’t reply to her question, noting the way the other woman’s mouth is unmoving against hers, stuck in a perfect _o_ and a silent scream, back bowed tightly, relaxing as she lets out a breath.

 

The moment stretches on for eternity and a few seconds, suspended in heated breaths and hardly bitten lips to keep words they _can’t_ mean spill out.

 

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” Lauren finally says, the last syllable stretched high as it melts into a moan, muttering _please please fuck Camz please_ over and over again.

 

And then they’re quiet. Lauren coming down from her high and Camila humming a melody against Lauren’s cheek, lips pressed against pale skin, heartbeats slowing down as the early morning stretches on.

 

Camila makes a song out of Lauren’s heartbeat pressed up against hers.

 

They don’t talk about what it could mean, but they do it again.

 

::

 

A heavy beat keeps on pounding—the club wall against Lauren’s back, the back of her head from way too much alcohol, and down on her cunt, Camila pressing her hips flush against the wall as she kisses her way under Lauren’s bunched up dress.

 

It’s Dinah’s birthday, the hot heat of the summer sticking on their backs and laughter from slurring mouths gets carried into the breeze as they stumbled through this—third—bar of the night.

 

When everyone’s loose and uninhibited from all the drinking and dancing, Camila hooks her arm around Lauren’s waist, pressing closer to her and dangerous lips pressed against her ear.

 

“I want to taste you.”

 

And that’s when they ended up in a dark corridor, the bathroom just a few paces away from them from the corner, people coming and going, their voices and noise thrumming with the white noise Lauren hears in her head, heady with the feeling of Camila lapping at the skin of her inner thighs.

 

There’s a whisper of _keep your voice down_ and an assurance from Camila that _I’ve been in this club lots of times before and no one’s coming around here_.

 

Lauren swallows down a bitter bile rising from her throat at that, disregarding the sudden jealousy that rushed through her veins.

 

For the year she has known Camila, she hasn’t seen the younger woman date anyone, much less bring someone home from a club. They’ve been stuck at the hip for the better part since they met, and Lauren wonders just when’s the _recent_ Camila’s been fooling around with someone else.

 

A broad lick from her lips takes her back to the present, head thudding backwards to the wall. She feels the bass of the music pounding against her skull, and she pretends that it’s just her heart following the music’s beat when she sees a glimpse of Camila’s eyes, all soft and in awe, chin and lips shiny from Lauren.

 

For all the things Lauren can’t catch on, she’s always caught the soft look Camila gives her.

 

But the light is gone before she can look more closely and they kiss in the dark.

 

::

 

Lauren slips inside an apartment that’s not hers, Camila smiling at her sleepily from where the other woman’s leaning on the wall near the door. She tugs Camila to her room, the younger woman yawning behind a hand as the door to Camila’s door clicks close, the lock resounding through the room.

 

“Hi,” Lauren whispers, kissing Camila’s cheek as she takes off her jacket, revealing her pajamas of sweatpants and a statement tee with _lady lover_ stamped on. “You’ve been asleep all day, just how tiring was that new album you worked on?” Lauren asks, but was met with Camila’s retreating back and a loud yawn.

 

Camila’s already laying back on the bed, pulling the covers aside so Lauren can snuggle up beside her. She doesn’t flinch when Lauren’s cold legs tangle up with hers, pulling the other woman close so that they’re noses are touching, breathing in one another and making a tiny world in between the two of them.

 

“Sleep,” Camila says, voice laden with sleep, eyelids already fluttering close. Lauren can count how many eyelashes are brushing softly against soft cheeks, and if she took a moment to look more closely, there’s the palpable love thrumming in Camila’s veins. All for Lauren.

 

But she’s closing her own eyes, already halfway to dreaming about the woman laying in bed beside her, set to give her a pleasant sleep but also to be forgotten as soon as she wakes up.

 

::

 

Lauren opens her eyes, feeling incredibly well rested, but the room’s still dark. She feels Camila’s breath fanning hot across the back of her neck, the other woman stirring as she moves to face her.

 

“Mm, morning, princess,” rough voice presses out, Camila curling her arm tighter against Lauren, nosing against her widow’s peak as she places small kisses there. “It’s a little bit too early to be up, Lo.”

 

Lauren’s quiet, pressing forward to press a kiss against Camila’s lips.

 

It’s nothing than meeting of two lips, closed and soft, pliant from sleep. But then they start moving, still just lips, moving slowly against each other that feels a bit like the world slowly rotating, getting closer to the sun, getting warmer and hotter by the second.

 

They break apart, resting foreheads against each other, Lauren’s eyes still closed as she feels Camila’s leave small pecks against her flushed cheeks.

 

Camila rolls them, settling her weight firm against the gentle curves of Lauren’s body under hers. Lauren feels fingers combing stray hair back, hears the faint hum of the air-condition, and then Camila speaks.

 

“Look at me, Lo,” she says, hips slotting in between Lauren’s. She does nothing, the weight of her pressed against Lauren lets the heat in between them rise up slightly. “Come on, baby, please?”

 

Lauren opens her eyes at that, instantly meeting Camila’s eyes and she feels her stomach tingle, thankful for the slow grind of Camila’s hips, distracting her as their eyes meet. “There you are,” Camila says around a soft grin, looking a whole lot relaxed and—

 

(Lauren thinks she’s seen that look before.)

 

“ _Camz_.”

 

It’s unexpected and Lauren doesn’t remember when Camila’s hands snaked down her body, but there’s an unmistakable press of Camila’s fingers against her, rubbing slowly and using her hips as a leverage.

 

“Yes, baby?” A warm palm slides up and bunches her shirt low against her collarbone, nipples exposed and peaked as air blew around the room. There are fingers deftly pulling apart the drawstring of her sweatpants, being pushed down her hips as Camila settles more firmly against her, also naked from the waist down.

 

They kiss slowly, hot breath panting against each other, painting red marks down sides and backs.

 

Time flows and stops with each pass of exploring fingertips leaves embers of passion, licking at exposed skin and burning them both alive from the inside out.

 

“ _Fuck_ ,” the word falls off of Lauren’s mouth, spurring Camila on, biting at Lauren’s shoulder, nose pressed against a throbbing pulse. “Just—inside me, please, Camz, I need it. I need—“ Lauren’s voice is high, breathless, and begging; almost reverent in her plea.

 

And then Camila complies, thrusting two fingers inside Lauren at once, eyes locked with the tight expression on Lauren’s face. Camila startles when she feels Lauren’s hands fumbling its way into her shorts, pushing her underwear aside and mimicking both the pace and number of fingers.

 

Camila moans, unexpected and wanton, making her fall more heavily against Lauren, her hips driving her fingers deeper into Lauren and the older woman hurries to do the same.

 

It’s downright _erotic_. Camila’s pace falters as she tries to ride Lauren’s fingers, but her current position and constant rocking of hips adds to the mounting pleasure Lauren can feel at the base of her stomach, crawling and rising—crashing and ebbing like waves being pulled of shore as a tsunami forms.

 

“ _Fuck_ , Lo, baby you’re fucking me so _good_ —“ the last syllable stretches, Camila whining high to the ceiling as Lauren sucks on her neck, sloppy and messy and an accurate representation of them. They both shudder, full-bodied and wrecked, as an orgasm unexpectedly crashes against Camila. “Look at me, princess, look at what— _mm fuck_ —you’re doing to _me_ —“

 

Their eyes meet and—

 

(There’s that look again, soft and in awe, and Lauren figures it out.

 

It’s how Camila’s been looking at her all the time and she wonders just how long Camila’s been in love with her.)

 

Her sudden realization throws Lauren in shock—

 

And then there’s pounding at the door.

 

::

 

**_Beyoncé 6:03AM_ **

_mami_

_u up?_

_**mani_

 

**_Normami 6:05AM_ **

_now i am u bitch_

_it’s so early wtf babe?_

_i swear imma get a momma kink for how often u typo_

 

**_Beyoncé 6:05AM_ **

_1 didnt know that gets u goin ;))_

_2 ur r00d_

_3 if u slept over, then u can hear for yourself_

_thAT OUR BFFS R BUMPIN UGLIES RN_

_damn_

_never heard mila this loud before_

 

**_Normami 6:07AM_ **

_no further comment, your honor_

_and_

_????????_

_laur was literally here last night?????_

 

**_Beyoncé 6:07AM_ **

_oh yeah sure_

_sO WHO TF IS THE LO BITCH MILA’S BEEN SCREAMING???_

_-_-_

_i know lo’s voice in case u didnt knoe_

_sounds like crazy sex to me_

 

**_Normami 6:08AM_ **

_fuck im wide awake now_

_do they know you’re there?_

 

**_Beyoncé 6:10AM_ **

_probs not, mila was sleeping when i came home_

_maybe she woke up after i slept_

_slr_

_lol_

_kafdkjladkfjlkdsf_

 

**_Normami 6:11AM_ **

_Dinah Jane Hansen_

_what did you do?_

 

**_Beyoncé 6:12AM_ **

_well_

_i need my sleep_

_and they sound like they aint stopping till it’s noon_

_so_

_i opened my door loudly, drank some water_

 

**_Normami 6:13AM_ **

_and?????_

 

**_Beyoncé 6:13AM_ **

_i may or may not have banged at mila’s door and told them to shut up_

 

**_Normami 6:14AM_ **

_ohmygod_

_it’s so fucking early for this_

 

_Beyoncé added Ally Hernandez_

_Beyoncé changed Ally Henandez’s nickname to Smallz_

 

**_Smallz 6:15AM_ **

_language_

_and what?_

_mani has a mommy kink?_

 

**_Normami 6:16AM_ **

_out of ALL things_

_u notice THAT?????_

 

**_Beyoncé 6:17AM_ **

_lol bah felicia_

 

::

 

It’s quiet.

 

There’s a faint line of sunlight peeking through Camila’s curtains, bouncing off Lauren’s bare skin in a way that makes Camila want to caress the skin and leave bruising kisses at the same time.

 

The moment she reaches out a hand, that’s when Camila realizes just how far Lauren is from her.

 

“Lo?” Camila’s hoarse voice breaks the silence, the distance of the sheets between them feels a lot like a barrier than a few inches. She wants to reach out, wants to know what was going through Lauren’s mind before Dinah knocked and—

 

“How long have you been in love with me?” Green eyes are trained on the sheets, Camila watching as Lauren’s knuckles turns white as her fists clench and the fabric gets caught in between shaking hands.

 

She wills every moisture starting to collect at the corner of her eyes to be at her mouth instead, wishing for something other than the taste of Lauren on her tongue. Camila thinks she’ll prefer the salty sting of her tears to numb away the feeling of wanting to _break_ ; thinks it’ll be better to just keep everything inside.

 

“A little longer than a while now,” is what she says anyway.

 

Lauren looks up at that, taking a shuddering breath as if she’s dragging the whole universe inside of her, tugs her shirt down and the sheets up to her chest, curling farther away from Camila and then—

 

“ _Why_?”

 

The universe exploded in just one word.

 

Camila laughs. She’s been asking that same question to herself for months now. And even if with all the time in the world, she doesn’t think she’ll think of a good enough reason other than _I just am_.

 

She tells that to Lauren, watching as the tips of Lauren’s ears get red and a flush creeps down her neck.

 

“You can’t _do_ that! We agreed to be friends—to not let this change us and, and,” Lauren stammers, white noise prickling at the back of her head and tears stinging her eyes, tripping over her words. “, you’re just in love with me because we’re having sex!”

 

Camila bristles. She pulls at her side of the blanket and turns her head away from Lauren. “We both know that it’s just not that.” She breathes in, tries not to shake when she meets Lauren’s eyes. “I’m _in love_ with you, Lo.”

 

Maybe Camila shouldn’t have been brave.

 

Maybe she didn’t take that breath to gather courage to meet Lauren’s eyes.

 

Because now she saw the exact moment tears rolled down the same cheeks she whispered good night to lovingly the night before, sees the exact moment Lauren’s eyes shut down and turned away from hers.

 

She wished she spared herself the sight of watching Lauren leave.

 

::

 

**_Beyoncé 6:47AM_ **

_so_

_i just heard them kind of screaming_

 

**_Normami 6:50AM_ **

_we’ve already established that they’re fucking, babe_

 

**_Ally 6:51AM_ **

_laNgUAge_

_it’s too early fo you kids_

 

**_Beyoncé 6:52AM_ **

_nonononono_

_like fighting scream_

_uh_

_so i think lo just left…?_

 

::

 

She doesn’t run after Lauren, doesn’t pull her back and say _I’m sorry for saying that, please don’t leave_.

 

The words stay on her tongue.

 

And she watches Lauren go.

 

Because for all the things Camila regrets, especially to staying _just friends_ , she’ll never regret loving Lauren.

 

She’s in love with Lauren and maybe hurting too much is a part of that.

 

::

 

im SO sorry for being MIA and if you’re following me on wattpad, you’ll know that i’ve been having summer training for my college pep squad that consists of 12 hours of work out/training and between that and resting, squeezing in time to write has been hard and inspiration has been at an all time low lately, so please be patient with me. thankyou for reading xx

**Author's Note:**

> in case of too much heartache because of this story, check out my fluffier story: Running Wild
> 
> hmu!!  
> tumblr & wattpad: fxbricxtedrexlity
> 
> thanks for reading and have a good one!!


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